13 Things I Have Learned About Dating in Brazil

I have talked about a lot of stuff since coming here – but I have not yet really talked about dating in Brazil.  I guess that is because I started to namorar (exclusively date) someone just weeks after arriving so didn’t really aproveitar (take advantage of) the single life much.

But from my relationship with a Brazilian guy to my short time being single in Rio, there are a few things I have learned about dating in Brazil…keep in mind that some of this may be a bit generalized (obviously not everyone is this way).  It is all based on my own experience and what I have heard from other people.

1) Brazilians are a jealous breed. And for independent North Americans, can even be considered clingy.  

This is one instance where the independent American culture clashes with the dependent Brazilian culture.

Anytime that I wanted to go out without him, my boyfriend at the time thought it was very odd – “Why don’t you want me to go out with you?” “But you know that guys are going to hit on you, right?” “This is not normal in Brazil” etc.

In the US, it is considered normal and healthy to spend time apart from one’s significant other.  Americans like to go out with their friends and have “girls nights” – same goes for guys. This was a fairly novel concept to my ex – because in Brazil, it’s strange to go out without one’s significant other – the guy knows that his girlfriend will likely get hit on and cannot stand that. I have heard that if one goes out without their boyfriend or girlfriend in Brazil, it sends the message to other people that they are single.

Even when they go out together, Brazilian couples tend to stay attached at the hip.  I had to remind my boyfriend to give me some space when we went out together – telling him that I would want to mingle with friends and other people, independent of him –  I would remind him to “be more American” whenever we went out.  In the US, this type of thing is pretty much understood, unless you want to gain the “clingy” label.  But my ex found this estranho (strange), saying that in Brazil, couples do not leave one another’s side if they are out together because if they do, it sends the message that one is single.  He was worried that other guys would try to flirt with me if he wasn’t around – but I tried to explain to him: even if somebody does hit on me, I’m obviously not going to do anything!

But Brazilian men do not like to watch their ladies being hit on.  If another guy touched me when I was with him (Brazilians are super touchy-feely!), my ex became super upset and agitated – which I actually found to be quite sweet.

While I do think a little bit of jealousy is healthy in a relationship – it shows that the person cares – I found that Brazilians tend to be jealous to an unhealthy level.  For instance, it is normal here for couples to check one other’s Facebook and text messages (which my ex never really did – thank goodness!).  But if you trust the person, then why should you feel the need to check their messages and invade their privacy?  To me, this sort of behavior is simply unacceptable.

2) Brazilians tend to be very into the Facebook relationship 

I have never been a fan of being “in a relationship” on Facebook.  Since being in Brazil, I have gotten more used to it, since everyone seems to do it, but it just has always seemed so cheesy and high-schoolish to me.  In the US, the Facebook relationship status is not taken so seriously.

But in Brazil, it seems that everyone is in a Facebook relationship if they are in a relationship with someone – my ex-boyfriend said that his friends thought I had something to hide  simply because I didn’t want to announce my relationship status on Facebook (in the end, I succumbed). But why should I have to let the entire Facebook world know who I am dating?

3) Many people get into relationships (start to “namorar”) very quickly

Here, people tend to namorar (become boyfriend-girlfriend) after a very short time – there is even a word for this in Portuguese because it happens so frequently!

I was talking with a French guy the other night and he was saying how in Brazil, if you aren’t in a relationship, it’s seen as weird.  He was saying that everyone is in a relationship here, which I found interesting.  And sad, as well, that people feel such a compulsion to be in relationships here.  Since when did it become such a bad thing to be single?

Sometimes I wish that I were less picky when it comes to dating – but unfortunately, it is not easy for me to feel an attraction to someone, actually have enough interest in that person to date them and also have that feeling reciprocated.  And I would much rather be single than settle – I could never be in a relationship with someone that I wasn’t totally crazy about – so it’s strange to me how here, people would generally prefer to be in a relationship and settle than to try to hold out for something better.  And personally, there is no greater turn-off to me than a guy who is always namorando someone  – every girl wants a picky guy – to be chosen. And vice versa.

Updated side note: I recently went on a few dates with a Brazilian guy (here in the US)  – on just our second date, he said to me “Voce quer namorar comigo?” (Do you want to be my girlfriend?).  He definitely seemed like a player and it was clear that he had ulterior motives so I didn’t take him seriously when he asked me that.  His behavior that proceeded therefore came as no surprise – I only heard from him sporadically after that…he sent me the occasional message saying that he felt “saudades” for me (missed me)…but that was it.  From my experience, many Brazilians tend to throw around the word “namorar”, not holding much meaning to it.

My ex-boyfriend and I only waited 10 days after meeting to become an official couple – and I remember he said that was a long time for him (he was trying to be patient because I’m American).  In Brazil, if two people are into one another, have been on a few dates, and they reach first base, then it’s pretty much understood that they are together and soon after, will officially namorar (and you can probably see proof of that on Facebook).  In the US, dating is a bit more practical and less rushed – people like to take their time, date different people (probably simultaneously) and then make an educated decision.

In the US, we even have a word for discussing the relationship status, since people normally date more than one person at once  – DTR or Define The Relationship.  While it’s nice that there is less confusion on the dating front in Brazil, it definitely makes it harder to take many of the relationships seriously when everyone just jumps into them so quickly – and it likely explains the high prevalence of cheating!

4) Many Brazilian men will say anything to please a girl 

I have heard numerous times from people that many Brazilian men will say nearly anything to please a girl.

Case in point: I met a Brazilian in Paris who, shortly after we met, said things to me like, “You want to sail around the world too? See, this is why you have to be my wife…” “How many kids do you want to have?” etc.  While I obviously did not completely take his words to heart, I did actually like this guy at the time and took his words to mean that he actually liked me too (Cut me some slack – it was my first experience with a Brazilian man).  Well, I could not have been more wrong…soon after, he fell off the face of the earth.

The other day, I was talking to a Brazilian girl about this sort of thing- she was telling me that she has really been hurt in the past by guys who have told her things like “Eu adoro voce” (I really like you) and then the next day completely disappeared.  She explained that the men here are very passionate – but with that passion, comes fleeting relationships and insincerity.  Many Brazilian men talk in the moment, without thinking much about what they are really saying.

In Brazil, many times, “Eu te amo” (I love you) often only means “I like you a lot…right now.” AKA…maybe tomorrow I won’t anymore.

“Eu te amo” seems to be a phrase that is thrown around a lot and said very early on in Brazilian relationships.  It makes sense in a way since this is a culture that is full of passion and warmth.  But it also makes you question if the person really means it.

And it has made me wonder if being “apaixonado” (in love) really means the same thing in Brazil as it does back home.  Perhaps it translates more to our version of “lust” – more fleeting and less meaningful.  My suspicions were confirmed after watching Friends with Portuguese subtitles (great way to learn Portuguese by the way!) – I noticed that  “I am crazy about him” translated to “Estou apaixonado por ele” – it seems that “apaixonado” indeed does not translate to “in love” – it can mean both “crazy about” andin love” – which mean two very different things in English.

Sasha Cagen of the Huffington Post, sums it up well: “I used to compare San Francisco men to Brazilian men and wish that San Francisco men were more forward, but now that I have seen the flip side, I’ve grown to appreciate the subtlety and slowness with which American men say what they are feeling–they say less, but I trust them more.” 

I too have come to appreciate the more subtle approach after living here – anglophone men may be less expressive, but at least you know that they actually mean what they say when they say it.

But again…that’s not to say that this is always the case in Brazil and that all the men are like this – my ex-boyfriend was an exception to this and i could tell that he was always sincere in what he said.

But beware: if a guy tells you “Eu adoro voce…” or “Eu te amo” very early on, then that is probably a red flag..

5) Infidelity is rampant in Brazil 

Sure, this sort of thing happens everywhere and of course it happens in the US, as well.  But in Brazil, cheating is extremely commonplace.  

Everybody warned me (even Brazilians) before coming to Brazil – “do not date a Brazilian man – whatever you do.” Now, I’m not saying everyone cheats here – fortunately, I had a very loyal boyfriend.  All the same, if you decide to date a Brazilian, be careful, is all I have to say – men and women alike.

6)  Ladies, expect to date a guy who lives with his parents

Most guys (and girls) here live with their parents until they get married.  That means that there are many 30+ year olds living with their parents. I think this is in part due to Brazilian culture, which has extremely close family ties and a very dependent culture – as opposed to American culture, which is much more independent and kids leave home at 18.  And partly due to the astonishingly low minimum wage here combined with the high rent- in Rio at least, people simply can’t afford to live alone!

I met an American man yesterday whose daughter had a job in Rio that paid around $800 USD a month – so she had no choice but to live at home.  She got the same exact job in New York (thanks to her dual citizenship, she was able to do that) and now is paid $60,000 USD a year.

Financially speaking, it is understandable that many Brazilians live with their parents.  But in the US, women find it to be a huge turn-off (and even a deal breaker) if a guy lives with his parents.  There is even a “Sex and the City” episode about it (Carrie dates a guy who lives with his mother – it doesn’t end well…)

7) Dates are always last-minute – Brazilians cannot seem to plan dates in advance. 

Since being single, I have been on a few dates here.  The ones I have been on all tend to be last-minute encounters – guys are extremely flaky and never really plan in advance here.  I have also had several guys marcar (set up a date) and then never follow through.  “Vamos jantar na quarta nesse restaurante” (Let’s have dinner on Wednesday at this restaurant) and then…nothing.  This has happened to me several times.  I know this is a Carioca thing and I was warned about this too before coming here and even experienced it with Brazilians in Paris, as well (both guys and girls) – I’ve learned that Brazilians (and especially Cariocas) rarely follow through with plans.  So when you make plans to do something with a Brazilian, make other plans just in case…

When a guy asks me out here, I now generally ask “Is this a Brazilian/carioca invite?” Meaning, is this date actually going to happen?

Once again, you can always find exceptions here.  I have also met some Brazilian men that do follow through with their plans (although they are few and far between, I must admit!). Luckily for me, my ex was one of those people – when he said he wanted to meet me, he actually meant it.  If we had plans to meet, he never bailed.

8) Brazilian men are very complimentary and expressive 

“Nossa, você é muitoooooo lindaaaa.” (Wow you are so beautiful). “Voce tem olhos sinistros” (you have incredible eyes).  “Parabéns pra vc, beleza dos deuses!!” (Congrats, you have the beauty of gods!!).   These are a few of the compliments that a girl might hear in Brazil. Guys have no qualms about telling a woman she is beautiful.

While it’s really nice and I love how Brazilians shower girls with compliments, if a guy is so complimentary early on, it definitely makes me  wonder how many other girls he says that sort of thing to…it rings off the galinha (player) bell in my head.

9) Brazilians are extremely affectionate and “carinhoso”.

It’s funny how in English, we have a word for displaying affection in public (PDA or Public Display of Affection).  There is no word for this in Portuguese because this sort of thing is simply implicit.  In Brazil, like many Latino cultures, it is totally normal and expected for couples to make out and touch one another in public. Even on a first date, Brazilian men tend to be very touchy-feely about an hour after meeting a girl (kissing her on the cheek, holding her hand…).

Carinho (affection) is a very important part of dating and relationships in Brazil.

10) Brazilian men are very aggressive and forward.

The other night, I was at a bar and this Brazilian guy approached me.  Upon starting a conversation, he immediately wrapped his hand around my waist and started to get way too close for comfort.  Not being the most assertive person, I tried to shove his hand away the best I could.  My attempts apparently failed because soon into our conversation, he tried to kiss me – I didn’t let him, so instead, he kissed my forehead and cheek.  The whole thing was a bit uncomfortable for me – I had to keep telling him, “Eu não sou Brasileira cara – preciso de ESPACO!! Nem conheco voce!!” (I am not Brazilian – give me some space! I don’t even know you!).  But this type of physical aggressiveness is very normal in Brazil.

If you are on a date with someone or meet a guy in a bar here, rest assured, he will try to kiss you just moments after meeting you.  A Brazilian once told me once that 5 minutes is a long time to wait to kiss someone.  The method? They will either flat out try to kiss the girl or tell her that they want to beijar (kiss).  So guys are in luck – Brazilian girls generally do not hold out long to kiss guys. And if you don’t kiss a Brazilian girl soon after meeting her, she will assume you aren’t interested. One Brazilian friend in Paris told me how she was disappointed in French guys since they didn’t move nearly as quickly as Brazilians – that she would go out with a guy and he would not try to kiss her at all during the date.

Keep in mind, however, that kissing does not mean much of anything in Brazil.  If you kiss someone in a bar or club, even if the guy tells you how in love he is with you at the time, it’s safe to expect that you will never see them again. Another Brazilian friend from Paris told me how he thought it was strange that people don’t really kiss at clubs in France – because in Brazil, he said that everyone kisses someone when they go out.

Rooshv.com said the following:

“Brazilian game as told to me by a Brazilian guy:

Alright all you have to do is walk up to her and say ‘What’s your name?’ Then you give the two cheek kisses but make sure you do it nice and close. Then make her laugh a couple times and touch a lot and after that go for the kiss. Just go for it. It may take a couple tries.”

They are persistent too.  “No” in Brazil does not mean the same thing it does elsewhere.  I heard once that many Brazilian women say “no” even though they mean “yes”, just to try and appear hard to get.  So even if the girl tells a guy “no”, the Brazilian man will keep trying.  So if the girl is actually not interested, she has to be rude to the guy for him to get the picture.  Simply saying “no” is not enough.

I once met a Brazilian guy in a gay club in Paris (of all places!) – I refused to kiss him but he kept insisting, over and over again.  I even told him I had a boyfriend (which was a lie) and he told me that he had a girlfriend too, but that it was Carnaval time, so didn’t count – we weren’t even in Brazil!!

Yet another example: At a party in Ouro Preto once, a guy approached me and tried to kiss me – Once again, I told him I had a boyfriend (which was also a lie) but he said something along the lines of “what your boyfriend doesn’t know won’t hurt him…” Even using the “boyfriend” excuse doesn’t work in Brazil!

11) If you are dating a Brazilian, you will get to know their family very well.  

I love how close and involved families are in Brazil.  In the US, people wait a while to introduce their significant other to their parents and to bring a girl or guy home to the family.  It’s a pretty big deal to “meet the parents” and is saved for serious relationships – or at least until you’ve been dating someone for several months.

Not in Brazil.  Shortly after starting to date someone here, you will meet that person’s family. It’s no secret that family ties are super strong in Brazil – so when you are dating a Brazilian, you will really get to know their family and spend a lot of time with them.

When I was dating my ex-boyfriend, it felt like I had a second family in Brazil.  They were always super welcoming and warm, making me feel right at home whenever I was a guest- and they always cooked mouthwatering, home-cooked food!

12) Brazilian men can be super charming – it’s sometimes a bit unsettling. 

Between showering you with compliments, being touchy-feely and seductively locking eyes with you, it can be hard to resist the charm of many Brazilian men – even when you know the guy is completely full of it!

The first time I fell under the spell of a Brazilian man was when I went out with this Carioca guy in Paris a few times who just exuded confidence and sexiness.  He was the definition of suave.  There was something about him that just pulled me in.  Despite all of my instincts (and friends) telling me that he was a total player, I still fell for him…Since then, I have learned to be much more cautious when faced with the Brazilian charm!

13) Brazilian men can make the best boyfriends 

While you need to be choosy about who you date in Brazil, you can definitely find some keepers.  Despite the cultural conflicts that I encountered with my ex, we managed to work through them and had a great six-month relationship.  He turned out to be one of the kindest, most caring and loving people I’ve ever known.

Proof that Brazilian men can make great boyfriends? My ex.

When I came back from the US, he came to meet me at the airport at 7AM (he had to wake up at about 4am to be there in time) to help with my luggage – never once complaining about it.

He could be incredibly romantic – each month, he reminded me of our “anniversary”, whether it was our one-month or our five-month (I am the girl and I didn’t even know this!).

He always spoke to me in Portuguese (even though he loved to speak English), because he knew that I preferred that.

Whenever we went out together, he would insist on carrying my purse for me – not caring how it may look on him or however heavy it might be. He preferred that to me carrying it.

Knowing how important it was for me to go for runs, at least once, he went running with me…wearing flip flops (because he had forgotten sneakers), motivating me every step of the way.

He was so caring and always worried about me going out alone, taking taxis by myself etc.  When we first started dating, he would always come to my house to pick me up, even though it was far out of the way for him.

He was so helpful.  He always did the dishes at my house (saying that he didn’t like to see me doing that sort of stuff) and helped me with any articles that I had to write.

He was willing to do whatever it took to please me and make me happy, whether that be watching The Bachelor or another chick flick or making a bunch of Brazilian DVDs with Portuguese subtitles for me (to help me learn Portuguese).

He always offered to give me massages.

He would always ask me if I needed anything, even at my own house.  “Quer alguma coisa?” (Do you want anything?) was a phrase that I became very familiar with.

He knew me inside and out and loved the hell out of me – even with all of my little imperfections.

And the best part of all? Unlike many Brazilian men, I knew that he was genuine about everything that he said and did. 

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41 thoughts on “13 Things I Have Learned About Dating in Brazil

  1. I have never read so much misleading and false information in my life. I was born and raised in Brasil and I have the whole authority to call this bullshit. I can point out a lie in each paragraph and you are really full of yourself. Only Americans like to say I love you to everyone at any time. We rarely say I love you to a boyfriend or vice versa, because when we do, we really mean it. Boys in Brasil are very confident and do not cling to you as this phony article suggests.
    Brasileiros live in their parents house till they marry because that is the smart way to live. Everybody contributes to the house expenses and your parents are not renting your room as soon as you get into college. We care for each other and our morals and family values are very high. As a girl who always went out with friends, I can tell that we Brazilian girls know how to have fun without our boyfriends. They are very respectful of our space and so are we when they go out with their buddies. However, maybe the company you had is reflective of the type of people you attract. You are very condescending, and have no credibility by constantly reiterating misconceptions from non-Brazilians.

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    1. I don’t even know how to respond to this. I have never heard of someone so angry and full of hatred! Everyone is entitled To their own opinion and I am entitled to mine. I’m sorry that you didn’t agree with it.

      It’s funny how you say that I am “full of myself”. Do you even know me?

      Yes Americans say “I love you” to friends and family that we love because many of us believe that it’s important to remind people we love that we love them all the time. In romantic relationships, this is a completely different story. In general, Brazilians are much faster to say “I love you”. Brazilians themselves have told me that many Brazilian men are full of it when they say this.

      The fact that you say Brazilian guys give girls space is just laughable. It’s simply untrue. Brazilians have also told me that it’s not normal in Brazil for girls to have a “girls night out” or “boys night out”.

      I’m sorry but just because you live at home with your parents until you are married does not mean that you have “high morals”. To Americans at least, It is important to learn to be independent, self sufficient and pay your own bills-this means living on your own.

      In this blog, I wrote about the positive AND negative things about brazil and it’s culture. Maybe you need to learn to accept some outside criticism about your country and learn to look at it from a different angle. Because many people agreed with me on this article. I know that the US and our culture is far from perfect and I am the first to admit that.

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      1. Mary, don’t mind this person above. She was very rude. I am born and raised in Brazil too, and all you said is right and part of your experience here. Sure, not all people are the same, I go out without my BF and there wasn’t a “quer namorar comigo?” in my relationship, but I know this is not the usual. Your impressions are correct, and even if they weren’t, it’s not necessary that angry comment above. You were polite in every part of the descriptions of your impressions of Brazil 😉

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      2. Thanks Paula! That makes me feel better. 🙂 As a writer, there are always going to be naysayers and haters. It is one thing to disagree with something that I have written – of course I don’t expect everyone to agree and this is called a blog for a reason – all of this is based on my experience and what I have seen or witnessed. I know that they are generalizations and of course everyone is different. But it is upsetting to read personal attacks – people saying that I am a “cold person” and “have no heart” etc based on what I have written. I find that to be a bit upsetting. And for the record, I wrote ANOTHER article on dating in Brazil – about all the positive things. So while this blog post was primarily negative, I see that there are also some good things about dating a Brazilian guy. 🙂 This one was published for Elite Daily – here is the link in case you are interested: http://elitedaily.com/dating/gentlemen/things-brazilian-men-can-teach-about-dating/694615/

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      3. “I’m sorry but just because you live at home with your parents until you are married does not mean that you have “high morals”. To Americans at least, It is important to learn to be independent, self sufficient and pay your own bills-this means living on your own.”

        Brazilians do learn to be independent and self sufficient. My father, my two maternal uncles and my first cousin by my father side, all lived with their relatives to some extent in their lives before they married and all of them now have their own families and business. My father for example, founded his first company in his 30s, my younger uncle is founding his own now in his 30s too, and my cousin has his since he was in his mid 30s. My oldest uncle is the only one without a company yet he makes R$6000-12000 a month according to the work they pay him for that month. They didn’t leave their parents home because they aren’t independent or self sufficient but because they were focusing in graduating in the university while sharing the bills leaving both them and their relatives some free money in the end of the month. And I know lots and lots of people like that, I’m one of them and so is my second cousin by that first cousin, and many of my friends. Actually, one of my friends uncle is in his 50s, single and still live with his mother, despite that he is also successful, working with advocacy and has his own firm. He could live somewhere alone? Yes, he could but why would he? He has no wife or kids of his own that would demand a space for them alone and so does someone who chose to stay at their relatives until marriage. There’s nothing wrong here, If you find yourself a job (like most do) to help pay th bills while manage you time to graduate, you is going to get enough experience to make yourself self sufficient and independent the same way someone who try to thrive outside their relatives house. If you think otherwise, is because that culture is alien to you – take spartans, for example, sometimes in their history, their way to become independent and self sufficient was way more hardcore than not sharing bills. They would perceive the american way the same way you perceive ours.

        Maybe my family and my friends families are lucky, or maybe it works afterall? Obvious, not everyone is going to get a successful career and neat home and may end the rest of their lives living with their relatives even after married? Yes and one of my nieces is probably going to end that way since she made mistakes. However you cannot deny many will not, or will atleast manage to make themselves a living, and you cannot deny too, that many Americans who follow your logic end broken, in debt, as beggars or ironically back into their relatives home in the end. Great good it made them.

        “The fact that you say Brazilian guys give girls space is just laughable. It’s simply untrue. Brazilians have also told me that it’s not normal in Brazil for girls to have a “girls night out” or “boys night out”.

        To say it is “laughable and simply untrue” based on the limited number of people you meet here and what you heard of people who only meet a limited quantity themselves in a country populated by more than 200 million people is far from a accurate source to call it that way. Would be the same of me judging Americans through the few I’ve meet (mainly during the World Cup) or heard of.

        For example, I know more guys and boys who have their “nights out” than couples who are so glued they never do anything without each other. My view then contradict yours, or I’m wrong?

        Aside from that a few things I agree with you based on what I lived myself. First, that people here (and not only men) tend to be quick to exchange touching. But from what I got, a lot depends on where you is. Night houses, some pubs and places like that tend to be more touch free than usual mostly because people go there for “ficar” (ie. not for a commitment per se but pure physical attraction) or not even that. Not that you can’t find people who still try the quicker approach even in places where its not generally appreciated. But the location you go really make a lot of difference.

        For example, one of my friends got his GF in a “cursinho” (a paid class) of technology and they didn’t just hooked up after a five minute talk.

        Well, thats it. Cya.

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      4. Hi Marry, oh boy….your article is very cool! I am carioca and now I live in Tampa. If you dont mind, I would to promote my free website here once is related to the subject. It is a website that connects Brazilian people with American people. We are very serious site and 100% monitored. All profiles and photos need to be approved before go online. Please feel free to visit and join the 100% free website: http://www.amobrazilian.com Thank you very muc Marry and please dear friends, dont forget to read the rules about photos and how you need to behave lol, we do not accept silly things there, if you understand what I am talk about 🙂 Good luck to all! Denise.

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    2. Perhaps it’s because you’re unable to see this from an outsider’s perspective but you’re being overly sensitive about this. I whole heartedly agree with her. Brazilians do tend to be overly affectionate. Obviously, it’s not everyone but the vast majority yes. Be careful of calling others condescending while you yourself are being condescending….

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    3. Well I live at home because I like it.. all my friends do.. we are independent but we care for the family..
      I don’t say I love you that easily like Americans…I also don’t fuck that easily like Americans…
      I go out with my friends and he goes out with his because we trust each other.. maybe being an American he knows you will cheat…

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  2. After reasding this article all I can said is that that you are very bitter about something that happen with you and your Brasilian Ex boyfriend . Is pretty clear to me that you are trying to destroy all Brazilians men reputation of being Open people , humble , loyal , lovely and,adorable …I’m sorry I have to disagree with you in everything … For me you are a very cold person and you haven’t found a real true love or felt real passion for another human being in your liife . This article is mostly about your breakup and disappointment .. Maybe that’s how Americans are ,? cold as ice ?, I also refused to believe that …This is just your perspective on Brasilen men in relationships , and you are very far form the truth . As for me I considered Brasilian men the best lovers and companions in and outside the bedroom .. And they are not jealous or possessive as you pointed out … They give girls their space to be independent woman they trust their girlfriends , the question here should be are you trustable ? I’m not Brazilian , but I have dated people from other countries in the planet … And I still find Brasiliean Men the best lovers of all. Sorry It didn’t work for you and your ex. my dear , I still think this doesn’t give you the right tot destroy the rest of the Brasilean guys … I had live and shared part of my life with a Brasilian Guy long enought to tell you , that even now that I’m not longer with him , I will still go for another Brasilean charming and loving hunk with a big and tender heart . For me Brasiliean men are the best so far in everything …. And you my sweet girl need to see more Outside your wow bubble and mature a lot , before you open your mouth to judge , write and try to destroy the reputation of every single men in one country of Brasil

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  3. I really liked your article. As a brazilian girl in a relationship with an american guy it is interesting to read about the opposite experience. You did a great job describing the guys’ approach in clubs.
    In my experience I would disagree with two things though: I don’t think people here start to ‘namorar’ as quickly as you described. What they usually do is ‘ficar'(which would be a less commited form of dating I guess) and then take at least a couple of months to start an actual relationship. That’s how it goes in the south at least, it may be different in Rio I wouldn’t know. I would think its really weird if a couple started to ‘namorar’ after only 10 days.
    Also, the girls night out thing is very common in my area, me and my girlfriends do that a lot, usually to bars. but I don’t know if you meant specifically going to clubs, in that case I agree, girls in a relationship don’t go out to clubs w/o their boyfriends very often, mainly due to jealousy and because of the way brazilian men approach women at parties, as you perfectly described. Great article though, mostly very accurate and with a good understanding of the reasons behind everything. I will be browsing more through your blog since I’m trying to find some insight to help my boyfriend understand Brazil better 🙂

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    1. Thank you Caz! I appreciate your feedback 🙂 That is interesting. From what I have seen/witnessed, many couples seem to start to “namorar” quite quickly. But I guess it is different with everyone! Hope that you enjoy reading anyway 🙂

      Like

  4. Hi, I really liked your article and agree with every word. Unfortunately some people can not understand these cultural differences as something characteristic of each region, they are offended. You were very respectful, and made interesting annotations.

    Like

  5. Mary,
    I’m Brazilian and I really liked your article!!! 😀
    I disagree in some points but I respect what you said, because is your way to see the Country.
    You only missed something really brazilian “Quer ficar comigo?” hahahaha
    I guess you heard this a lot, right ?Ficar is our date and we hang out with someone at least 1 month until we get really involved with someone. Maybe the things happened with you a little bit faster because you are ‘gringa’ and you know, brazilians loves gringos 😀

    About the jealousy you could mention the girls, that are really jealous as well :p

    Cheers

    Like

  6. I liked the article, because, in comparison to my fellow compatriots, I am kind of averse to this brazilian way of socialization (Um ‘Tchau” de longe > Apertos de mão > Abraços > Beijo na bochecha) and I always find funny the fact you foreigners find only this ~passionate brazilian~ kind of guy. Well, I’m from the North of Brazil ~PA~ and, as far as I am concerned, there is a stage between “loneliness” and a “namoro”: ficar. As the girl from South said, “ficar” is like your DTR and, for God sake, we do appreciate this “no obligation” idea when it comes to boyfriends/girlfriends stuff. Your experience is, as we all should know, unique and – this is to all the readers that will take yours as a dogma and start hatred speeches – shall not be considered as a rule. I’m a guy and I don’t like to express my feelings all the time and, for example, I can grant you that I would never grab a girl purse. Sério, parece que vocês andam com tijolos dentro delas! Bom… Poderíamos rachar as sacolas de compras, pelo menos.
    One last advice: if you have some time to expend, take some trips to other cities of our country. You’ll feel like you are in a whole different place. There will be “-tche” and “bah”, “uai”, “égua” and a great lesson of culture, gastronomy and portuguese ahead.
    Abraços (virtuais)! /o/

    Like

  7. Hey Mary, I’m Brazilian as well. I’m living in California and I agree with you in many points. However, I think you spent a little bit of time down there to understand completely the culture. I agree with you that brazilian are a little jealous, expressive and affectionate. When they are “hunting”, which is go out to parties or bars to get girls, they are aggressive and say anything to please a girl. So, it makes many couples to go out together and maybe this is the reason that many Brazilian (man and woman) are a little bit jealous. Also, I would like to add that Brazilians are quite intelligent and charming, and yes, without doubt we can be the best boyfriends. What I think about Brazil is that there is many different people, and our culture is pretty different from one region to another, so you are right in many things, but I think you did not meet the best from Brazil yet.

    Like

  8. good article! in my case it was not a boyfriend but a friend I met a few months ago from Sao Paulo ( I am south American from Peru). She came to the US with her son cause he wanted to play tennis at an academy and from day 1 she seemed like a genuine sweet and warm nice person. The more I got to know the more I started seeing red flags. My son also plays tennis and she started speaking for myself without even asking me if I agree to something, she would always want things done for her and she would make rude gestures if me or my husband would not comply to what she wanted us to do. Then I found out she was dating this American and using him for papers and sleeping with a Brazilian behind his back who btw has an American fiancé. such a mess…
    she would be so invasive of my personal space and at some point I felt all she cared about was using us for her benefit so she can please her son for everything. She would even try to make decisions about my son and that’s when I had to cut her off completely. All she ever talked about is how people from Sao Paulo are superior than any other Brazilian and if she would see a Brazilian here in Orlando (there are so many) she would talk so bad about them to make herself feel superior. I know this is completely out of the way from the article but I was trying to find info on how Brazilians truly are bc it’s the first time I deal with one.

    Like

  9. I’d love to see what the writer looks like. I feel bad that she had this experience, and I have a feeling that she, as bad as this sounds, and I’m sorry to say, probably isn’t the most attractive person in the world. In addition, her perspective and attitude is wayyyy to ethnocentric! When you travel, stop telling other people to act more American. I’m an American, and even to me that’s very rude. I love Brazilians.

    Like

    1. First off, I’m pretty sure that I never told anyone to “act more American”. If you took the time to read the rest of my blog (which I’m sure that you didn’t or you wouldn’t have written such a nasty comment), you would see that I have written many positive things about Brazil, as well.

      By the way, you say that you are American but “love Brazilians.” Have you met every Brazilian? That seems to be a massive generalization to me. As a whole, I too love Brazilians. This article simply noted the cultural differences that I experienced while living in Brazil. Egocentric? Enlighten me. In which instance did I sound egocentric and how?

      Have you dated many Brazilians or lived in Brazil? If so, then please refute the relevant points in my article with intelligence and examples. If not, then as far as I’m concerned, you don’t have the right to comment. And certainly not in such an absurd and inane way.

      By the way, before you call yourself American, I suggest that you learn how to speak proper English.

      Like

  10. Hey , sweetie . I’m brazilian and get very ashamed that some people like to comment so many stuppid things… Your impression was mostly right , but be sure that we have nice people here too . It’s all about the places you visit . Most of the guys you find on the beach or in club are conceited and ” metidos à gostosos ” . We generally find nice people in unexpected places . Anyway , hope you liked our country ! Xoxo 🙂

    Like

  11. From my experience of dating on LDR (Long Distance Relationship),I would say Brazilian women are very untrustworthy and predatorial. I won’t say all but I’ve learned alot about the culture and relationship dynamic to know enough about many.I wanted to live,find a wife,and retire there but now I think otherwise. I met one online (huge mistake) on a Brazilian site. She was attractive,had one kid, and had a Master’s Degree.But she was affectionate and friendly. She worked in a Bank. She was really forward about marriage and coming here which raised red flags.But I understand because the way she described Brazil,she said it was over-priced poverty(which I came later on to find out its true.Visitng for 2 months,I saw Over-Priced Goods, High Taxes,underdeveloped construction, and mass political corruption/money laundering/bribery).

    She said she did not like Brazilian men because of the promiscuity and culture. But she was being hypocritical because she told me she slept with a married man before.She has had many online boyfriends (and probably other affairs) prior to me. But she didn’t want to be “Judged for It”. She didn’t see any wrong or admit wrong doing to it.In fact,she tried to defend it,Anyway, months down the line,she would start arguments and fights. Exes would pop up out of nowhere.And to an extent,was still keeping in touch with other exes. Male friends would appear. She would give strange signals. Come to find out through her Facebook,she started fawking some dude she worked out with. Oh…and here’s the kicker. We decided we where going to be friends. Come to find out that she was on 4 other dating sites while she was with me and dealing him for 1 year.

    I approached her about this and her words where like,”Well…I go on those sites to have fun.My dream is still to date an American.I’m still with him. I like him alot. He treats me well and gets along with my child.” Keep in mind during that time,we would still talk but she would send me emails like “I dreamed of making love to you.” and things we could do here together in the US.Even dating. Are All Brazilians cheaters…No,of course not. But cheating in there culture is very,very active.For both the men and women. I don’t know who does it worst. And I hate to say it,they (Brazilians) have a reputation and some people warrant the character and stereotype. From just dating her,visiting there, and reading from other peoples experiences with Brazilians,I’ve come to have a respect for the people and culture. I love the feminity of the women,the look,grace, family culture, and social friendly enviroment they have.But I would not venture into a relationship with another one. I’ve had my heartbroken and it’s too risky.

    I’ve read other Blogs about Brazil and their women :
    http://www.gringoes.com/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=4400&PN=1&title=brazilian-woman-faithful
    http://www.gringoes.com/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=17615

    I wouldn’t say thing these people say aren’t all true but it holds alot of premise and weight.Just my 2 cents.

    Like

  12. How did it pan out when you broke up with your Brazilian bf, especially as you were close to his family? Were you fb friends with all of them, then unfriend everyone?
    My estranged husband hooked up with a Brazilian woman soon after leaving our marriage. They were all over fb together (he told me she did that) and in no time he was meeting her family and became their fb friend. Not so long after that, he’d moved in with her and her parents, and started a new job she’d helped him with. I think she’s very manipulative and he’s a user. He’s still there, totally embedded with her family. I’m sure they know very little, if nothing, about me.
    What do you understand about the dynamics of such relationships within Brazilian society? Like, if her parents were to know about me, how would they view him, as I’m sure he only shows the ‘good’ side of himself?

    Like

    1. If your marriage is over, they would see you as his past. Sorry, but it seems he moved on, you should do the same with your life! 😉

      Like

  13. Hy Mary how are you? I am brazilian but there is some things I would like to say to you that not all the brazilian boys are like this. One thing I could clearly say, as a Man and Heterosexual, is the brazilian boys culture is machist, I was always the ”exception” because everytime that I went with my friends in the club(balada) they say that they never got out of the club without kissing at least 2 girls, if we don’t kiss the girls they called us ”gay”, I am 28 now, but in my 18 years I went more than 10 clubs until my 19 and I never kissed a girl in the club because I don’t see any way( não vejo sentido) to kiss a girl and then got out, this is like I say auto-afirmation.

    Well about living with parents it is because of financial problems, but if we can rent a place or marry someone we get out of the house of parents.
    Another thing that you say that brazilian boys are jealous and check your e-mails for me was always the opposite, I am 28 but just dated 5 girls all fo them the real problem was that I was the guy who always said if you want to go out with your friends go out because freedom(liberdade) for me is the most important part on a relationship and they didn’t like that way of thinking sayin that was really outrageous thing to say because when dating having to stay together and they always complain about the freedom but I always say if the person wants to cheat you it doesn’t matter if you just turn on your back they will do it even if you are together or not, I had a ex-GF that was flirting to her brother friend, I have caught that but just waited and then 3 weeks later I found out that she actually kiss him while she was dating me…I didn’t say nothing to her while she was doing that until then the time proved me that.
    I don’t mean to be angry or nothing like that but about dating I don’t date anymore because I am the tipe of men that always respect the freedom,I am ”carinhoso” but not soooo much, I don’t like when I am with a girl satying next to her hugging all the time and staying together all the time, I like to show public afections sth like go out with hands together or hugging the waist ok and even kissed but only sometimes, not every time.

    And my question is, am I more american than brazilian?lol

    I looking forward to hearing from you!
    Bye (tchau)

    Like

  14. Hy Mary how are you? I am brazilian but there is some things I would like to say to you that not all the brazilian boys are like this. One thing I could clearly say, as a Man and Heterosexual, is the brazilian boys culture is machist, I was always the ”exception” because everytime that I went with my friends in the club(balada) they say that they never got out of the club without kissing at least 2 girls, if we don’t kiss the girls they called us ”gay”, I am 28 now, but in my 18 years I went more than 10 clubs until my 19 and I never kissed a girl in the club because I don’t see any way( não vejo sentido) to kiss a girl and then got out, this is like I say auto-afirmation.

    Well about living with parents it is because of financial problems, but if we can rent a place or marry someone we get out of the house of parents.
    Another thing that you say that brazilian boys are jealous and check your e-mails for me was always the opposite, I am 28 but just dated 5 girls all fo them the real problem was that I was the guy who always said if you want to go out with your friends go out because freedom(liberdade) for me is the most important part on a relationship and they didn’t like that way of thinking sayin that was really outrageous thing to say because when dating having to stay together and they always complain about the freedom but I always say if the person wants to cheat you it doesn’t matter if you just turn on your back they will do it even if you are together or not, I had a ex-GF that was flirting to her brother friend, I have caught that but just waited and then 3 weeks later I found out that she actually kiss him while she was dating me…I didn’t say nothing to her while she was doing that until then the time proved me that.
    I don’t mean to be angry or nothing like that but about dating I don’t date anymore because I am the tipe of men that always respect the freedom,I am ”carinhoso” but not soooo much, I don’t like when I am with a girl satying next to her hugging all the time and staying together all the time, I like to show public afections sth like go out with hands together or hugging the waist ok and even kissed but only sometimes, not every time.

    And my question is, am I more american than brazilian?lol

    I looking forward to hearing from you!
    Bye (tchau)

    Like

  15. I really appreciate your article. I came here looking for some insite on dating, love, cheating, etc. in Brazilian culture. I am an American but have many foreign friends from all over the world so I love to immerse myself in other cultures and stay open minded especially because I’ve heard plenty of my international friends talk/complain/compare dating in their cultures to how Americans do it. I just recently got my heart completely shattered by a Brazilian guy I dated for over 6 months. I am so hurt and confused. I caught him trying to cheat with a fake girl my best friend and I made up on Facebook. He told the fake girl he had a girlfriend but within only a couple of hours he was inviting this fake girl over to “see it in person” if you get what I mean. Through this I found out he has also had a girlfriend for the past TWO YEARS consecutively including during our entire relationship. I found out who she was and told her. She is also an American and was completely heart broken and shocked but so appreciate that I told her. We both broke up with him. But I just can’t rap my mind around how he treated me through our whole relationship. He was so loving, generous, and caring for me. Our relationship has never been just about sex. A lot of times we wouldn’t even have sex and we could just have a good time together and cuddle. Or occasionally go hangout with his friends and family. He opened up to me about so many things in his life. He accidentally said he loved me one time and was really shocked, hesitant, and nervous of what my reaction would be. He was telling all of his friends I was his girlfriend, always introducing me to even his family as his gf (which supposedly he also introduced the other to all the same people, also as his gf) He surprised me with gifts a couple of times randomly (which really surprised and shock the other girl when I told her this) He seemed so passionate about me and we fought a couple of times and I almost broke up with him both times and it really seemed to hurt him so much but he would never accept the break up those two times and would always find a way to talk things out with me. But after he found out I knew what he was actually doing and that I told the other girl, I can’t even begin to explain the lack of emotion towards me and the hatred for me that surfaced within him. His reactions towards both sides of the situation make it seem as though I was the side bxtch the entire time and that he has never actually cared for me and that everything was a lie and an act??? I’m so extremely confused and hurt. I don’t know what is real anymore or what to think about all of this. How do I interpret all of this? Is it more complex then I think or was my whole relationship fake and a lie? Is this normal for those certain Brazilians that tend to be unfaithful??? Is this normal for males from São Paulo?? His entire friend group and family knew about both me and the other girl the whole time. But I have many male Brazilian friends that are so kind and sweet that would never do such a thing and I’ve noticed many of those genuine Brazilian friends are from Rio. A couple of my São Paulo friends laughed at me when they found out I was dating a guy from São Paulo but I didn’t understand. How could my boyfriend be like what they said. Every single one of his actions counter acted what my friends told me about São Paulo boys.
    Sorry about the novel^^^I just need answers and closure and the truth. Did he actually ever even care about me at all?????

    Thoughts, opinions, insight from brazilian commenters would be greatly appreciated.

    Like

    1. I met this cute guy, fun, helpful from Brazil it was my friend for 2 years before we become gf and bf ,I started to involve more and more with Brazilians , and the red flags started , one day I came from work and his friends at my house drinking beer with out my permission they break thru the window his reactions? we was waiting for u , his nice family begin talking bad of me almost infront of me when I was not paying more then my bill , he was so jealous and controlling that it was unreal, his sister break in my room and steal money I catch her and almost call the police I decided better finish my relationship he was after me everywhere I told him to stop and finally did OMG how this nice guy could be like that! I was so scared of dating after this!

      Like

  16. Also I forgot to add one detail. Not to sound conceited, but I am a very attractive girl and have many guys trying to get with me constantly. That has always made my Brazilian very protective and jealous. This boyfriend is also very attractive as well but he has always felt that he wasn’t deserving of me and always questioning why I (being such a picky girl when it comes to dating) chose him to be with him. Also many people have been very shocked when they found out who his other girlfriend was, although she does seem very nice kind, she is not particularly very attractive. I’m just bringing this up because of a comment about maybe someone had a bad experience because they were probably not very good looking.

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  17. Hi, I stumbled upon this article and I found it to be absolutely true and also very enjoyable to read! I’m American and have also lived in Rio (and I am very ‘gringa’ looking with blonde hair etc…). I saw that you had a few comments from Brazilians debating the accuracy of what you wrote; however it is clear to me you are writing from your own vantage point which is of a non-Brazilian woman. The exact same things happened to me while living in Rio. I love the culture in Rio and absolutely loved my time living there! I can tell that you really like it there too 🙂 Great article with helpful tips (especially for a gringa girl going for the first time)!

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  19. I couldn’t read the article. Stopped about number 5. You were telling your guy, a Brazilian in Brazil, to be more American when you went out? My God. Then girls like it better when they are asked out the American way? What, all girls? Everywhere? And that’s without even getting involved in the fact that Brazil is just as much in America as the United states are. Everything they do is the American way, with them being in America and all.

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  20. These points are pretty spot-on. I am in a relationship in the US with a Brazilian man, and it is amazing and also extremely challenging at times. Jealousy and trust are huge issues; it is not normal to socialize at all without your boyfriend/girlfriend, something I did not know before dating this man. I am slowly learning to not put American expectations on him as I learn more about his culture and how relationships work in Brazil, because it is quite different from that of American culture.

    Yesterday I had to go out of town to attend a funeral for a friend’s father and my boyfriend was unable to go with me because of work. Before leaving in the morning he says to me, “No flirting at the funeral”…I swear, only a Brazilian would say that!

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  21. This is soooo true! I am not Brazilian but I lived in Brazil for a year and I know exactly how men are, its quite funny how different it is compared to how we as Americans act. The guys here in the USA are really different. Sometimes, I don’t take Brazilians flirts very serious because its just so natural to them you know? I am falling in love with a Brazilian guy, right now… Its so weird, mais fazer o que ne? O nosso coração é assim as vezes né. Tem que arriscar, mais eu sou super apaixonada pela cultura Brasileira pela lingua Portuguesa, pelo meu amorizinho, kk enfim, ate mais, beijoss!

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  22. Hello Paula,

    Very nice article, and for sure some tips for the future to come.

    I am moving for Brazil (Brasil, in Portuguese) in January, and I have the advantage to speak their language as I am Portuguese. I work in the IT field as System Engineer and due to my work, I can be a little bit shy and nerdy (I guess I spend to much time talking with computers. I was wondering, as I don’t have the same social skills then must people do, if there is anything like a dating site that I can explore and start from there? It is just for exploring and see how it goes, etc. I don´t know, but any tips would de be wonderful.

    Well, I will for sure pay attention to this and see if there is any tips and I am glad there are people from everywhere sharing their experiences.

    Até logo gente e estou desejando beber um chopinho ou uma caipirinha em boa companhia 🙂

    Abraços

    Like

  23. me and my Brazilian boyfriend are in a ldr relationship, and ive known him for a week only, then he asked me to be his girlfriend and i cant say no to that cuz from the start, I already like him… all the traits you describe in your article is true… I strongly agree with you… he already introduced me to his friends and sister, and i thought he was sincere, but he’s not.. he blocked me a week after… and he’s into that facebook in a relationship thingy..hahaha… iI wished that I read this article before falling in his trap…. THanKs to you…

    Like

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